Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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