I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I look better un-naked...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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