Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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