Nicole vs. Life
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
