It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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