Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
