Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
