I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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