i permit you to call me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
