Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
