so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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