Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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