come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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