I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
