Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
