farters have to be the big spoon...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have feelings that need drinking.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
