Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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