last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
