You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize