Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
