Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize