thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
