make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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