I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
