he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
