How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
