Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think my vagina is haunted
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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