Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
