Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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