Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
