i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize