'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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