is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
