Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize