i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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