WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
