We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
