So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
