can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
