There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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