Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
