We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
