Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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