His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
