I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
