I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
