kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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