his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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