new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
