i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize