He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
last night I used snow as a chaser
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
