I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No subtext here. People are naked.
two words...techno handjob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
