we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
only you would photoshop your dick
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
