Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
