I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
