i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
