you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
