I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
