omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
