im about as happy as oj after his trial
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
