im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
