remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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