last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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