i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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