Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
