I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
