i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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