In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
where are my eyebrows?
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