Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
