she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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