i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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