the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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