My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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