i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
